Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
