Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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