They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
