pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
