I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
