yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
