Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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