He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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