Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
