you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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