I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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