Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
