No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
