i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
