if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
not ubering you a puppy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
