Me too!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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