The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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