call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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