Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
