So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
