Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
