I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
