Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
