rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
