if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
