guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You ruined the universe
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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