I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
