Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
