She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
