Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
