Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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