Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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