My Higher Power is John Stamos
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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