he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
