Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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