Do you still have your period?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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