Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
