Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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