Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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