AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
