I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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