Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize