I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We need to get me chipped asap
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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