Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
