In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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