so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
