I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
