this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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