I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize