Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
