forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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