can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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