garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
