you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Of course I have a pirate flag
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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