Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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