Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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