The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
