Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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