Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
