At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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