is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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