Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
