I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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