We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
