I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
