You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize