sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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