They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
