so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
