omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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