My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
